I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
