Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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