I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
