I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
