I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
