I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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