I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
