I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
