I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
