It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
