This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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