I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
