biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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