why didn't you poke me back
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
