God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
