Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
