Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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