I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
