Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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