I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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