it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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