Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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