Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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