I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
