Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
