I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
