How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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