Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
