I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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