Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
