it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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