I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
