My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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