Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
