I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
