home. puking in laundry basket.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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