You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
