Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
