Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
