I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
