Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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