I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
