I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
