It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
