So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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