can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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