Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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