I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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