ya dads aren't the best wingmen
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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