Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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