Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Still dying that you shit outside
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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