OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
