when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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