somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
